It was midnight. Something strange happened. Suddenly my breath pattern changed. There was a nagging pain near the cavity of my heart .The disinfectant smell and the continuous beep sound of those ECG machines around made me believe I was far away from my house and may be in some hospital.
My eyes. were so heavy and I couldn’t open as much I tried .May be the anesthesia dose was high .Feeling exhausted and lonely completely in a different world ….trying to brush my memory what happened to me and why am I here .my thoughts wander…. .?
No matter what ever I try to attempt to open my eyes, my eyes are so drowsy and dissolved, my eyelids seems like huge boulders unable to open up. …Unaware what was happening around, with difficulty to move an inch with closed eyes gasping for breath , in those painful moments of finding out , Why I am here ?.I doze to slumber sleep with tears in my eyes due to the unexplainable pain deep inside …
….Watching my helplessness, my inner self the soul, feels pity and attempts to reveal … where I am ……and why am I here … but in the thought process , another youthful voice abruptly enters to interrupt this aged voice ..
I keep observing my thoughts which are flowing randomly with different analogies as the Inner self wishes to whisper whereas the thoughts doesn’t stop.
Like the waves of ocean with roaring noise it hits the being …With deep physical pain. Eager to know who I am and why am here …
The partner who is pumping those random thoughts I suppose, calls me and reveals …….it’s me your active mind (manas) ..
The MIND MATTER got it … it said ….
The I in you is me …. Inside you and …
And I know all that is with you …
.
…Yes … Its you’re I .…who is in you seeking these temporary pleasures through you all the time …and my bandwidth is large going around this body through all those 72,0000 nadis …
The whisper goes on … SAYING … Am very powerful my dear … You know something he goes on … … Am with you right from the day creation began.. we are always together … And MY dear We have moved together in several types of bodies almost 84 lakhs bodies …since the roughly in water over 9 lakhs times , among trees and plants 20 lakhs occasions another 11 lakhs as insects and reptiles and almost 30 lakhs as 4 legged animals and so on finally in this body having intelligence.
The. I in you is me and we reside with an objective and operational style ………… My dear I existed with you every time you entered several bodies in several births as above and you know ..
i never die .I am immortal.
And in fact you are with me and I am with you …
The wheel of time is moving and Am shocked to see the I talking to me …
I attempt to speak …But HOW?
It is indeed a funny game which is going on in our life, first we erroneously take this limited physical body as our self, the preconceived thoughts and impressions as final being judgmental creating spaces developing false ego and thereafter we work to remove this sense of limitation. The fact is that there is no real limitation, it is just an error borne out of ignorance of our true self. The I the me is the strong companion who can be befriended but not controlled.. The I , me paramour is I ness ..the thirst to possess all without any discretion ..and our children are Anger , greed and jealousy . I ..always compare and expect and this is my food ..for thoughts ….
Am stuck ….. The discussion is interesting …..The ME …Mind speaks …. Let me explain with an example… Snow exists as snow at low temperature and gives away as water with the temperature rise due to atmospheric conditions and from this water on heating it becomes water vapor. And now if I freeze this water it becomes ice.
It’s a simple process …we are all same but in different forms and depending on the place whether cold , warm etc we change …Now the same Ice becomes snow … Everything works on the principle of Time and place … And you know I exist at every stage of the process .
 Creation .destruction …it goes on …and Am with you since creation….. … With you always …. and you know I maintain a family inside you ….
My Eldest sister is sky , my second sister is wind , my third sister is Fire , fourth sister is water and the youngest is earth .
All my sisters are very affectionate to each other …Inside you and outside you all my sisters coordinate. And along with sisters I have 10 brothers. Five brothers look from outside and five look from inside …The five go out and do what I command …
You people call it karmendriyas and gnyendriyaas and Its always in my control .
In short, .I am like Duryodhana sometimes and  like Yudhisitra sometimes dual personality ..Ok Split personality ….. ……And my brothers never question me, They are very obedient …eyes..ears..nose..Tongue and skin …together are my brothers living inside …My other five brothers are legs, hands, speech and excretion
I see through your eyes … I speak through your mouth as they transmit information and I DECIDE.
.And same with Nose and touch …. And most importantly, you know I have a master who is also within us watching us       …. But I overpower him with my reasoning and for my I pleasures … Both me and my master have gone into several bodies ( houses) along with you as per the dictum of our Supreme Master .
We are always in synchrony. And I always maintain  records of all  the good deeds and the bad deeds … I dodge our master inside and put him to sleep and  always take over …My master is the  Intellect and you call  him Jiva  who is silent spectator .. Â
There is something more …
There is something more …….
In the rumblings of these thoughts tears trickling, praying Almighty  I once again doze of to slumber sleep ……..
To be continued ………
Adiyen Ramanuja dasan
Pics Credits : Google images
kazhiyur varadan's blog 